Harry Potter and the Hairy Coos

My husband and I recently returned from the Scottish Highlands. We rented a cute flat in Inverness, just across the River Ness from the City Centre. On our first day, every tourist's worst nightmare happened: a driver let loose a long and colorful string of obscenities at Craig for not walking in the crosswalk. Dude was awfy crabbit, as the Scots say. Craig flashed him a peace sign which incited even more cursing. This is the kind of thing that keeps people from traveling. Nobody likes feeling stupid. However, when you travel, everything is going to be a little different. Sometimes you're going to struggle with the 'simple' things.

I spent the whole week trying to get the shower to produce hot water (something Craig mastered right away.) I also washed the dishes with hand soap for two days until I discovered the dish soap under the sink. The big things are the same: people drive and walk, take showers, and wash dishes. How they do these things varies a bit.

Instead of freaking out about every little difference, approach your destination with childlike curiosity. It costs 20 pence to use the toilet? My, how interesting! There's no dishwasher but there is a clothes washing machine in the kitchen? Cool, that's different. There are little switches next to power outlets that have to be turned on to get your phone to charge? What a great idea! There really is no need to get your knickers in a twist over the small things.

Poop Like the Planet Depends on It

Cultural differences can be very amusing. On our way to ride the Harry Potter train, our young kilt-clad driver Harrison stopped regularly for bathroom breaks which he called 'a splash and dash.' As he explained, "Ye canna really enjoy yourself when you're burstin' for a wee." Indeed not. He entertained us for the entire day as he rattled off facts about Nessie, the Jacobite rebellion, and the Battle of the Shirts while navigating a large bus around twisting one-lane roads.

You don't ask for a bathroom or restroom when burstin' for a wee in the U.K. - you're not planning to bathe or rest. Just ask for the toilets (or the loo or the lav.) In a restaurant or pub, the toilets are almost always located up or down a set of stairs. I haven't figured out the reason for that yet. Sometimes, the toilets are photo-worthy in and of themselves. We had a delicious dinner at MacGregor's Pub the night before we came home. Craig came back from the loo laughing his head off. He then shared this photo of his wee experience. The guy next to him snapped a picture, too.

We watched a bit of telly in the evenings and one of our favorite adverts was for locally-made toilet paper. As I've mentioned before, people outside the U.S. actually care about what humans are doing to the planet, so their motto 'poop like the planet depends on it' rings true and elicits a giggle. Another amusing commercial was for a pet store, which ends with a dog breaking wind loudly while his owners gag at the smell. Who knew the U.K. was so into potty humor?

Hairy Coos

Surprisingly, hairy coos have nothing to do with human anatomy or bodily functions. They're also known as Highland Cows - bovines who have graced the Scottish landscape since the 6th century. Over the centuries they have evolved to withstand the rugged climate of the Highlands, their long hair even covering their eyes like overgrown bangs (aka 'fringe' in the U.K.)

According to Rabbie's, the tour company we used for two of our day trips, the hairy coos don't have as much excess fat as other cattle since they don't increase their food intake unless it gets really cold. You can milk them, but the milk is not as plentiful or tasty as it is from other cows. Our guide said he'd never eaten meat from a Highland Cow, but that they're being marketed as an expensive specialty item. Queen Elizabeth II had a herd of Highland Cows brought to Balmoral Castle in the 1950s. You'll find hairy coo stuffies in every gift shop in the Highlands.

Harry Potter's Train and Dumbledore's Grave

In addition to the hairy coos, you can also find Harry Potter in Scotland. Well, maybe not the wizard himself, but you can ride in the same train carriage that delivered Harry and his pals to Hogwarts. The Jacobite steam train, aka the Hogwarts Express, runs from Fort William at the foot of Ben Nevis (Britain's highest mountain) to the fishing village of Mallaig (gateway to the Isle of Skye.)

The 42-mile journey exposes passengers to stunning scenery. The highlight of the trip is crossing the iconic Glenfinnan Viaduct, which was featured in two of the HP films. Constructed from mass concrete, the viaduct consists of 21 arches, each spanning fifteen meters. It rises 100 feet above the river Finnan. To our surprise, a crowd of seemingly hundreds of muggles stood below the viaduct watching our train cross and cheering.

Davey, our conductor, also pointed out a small island along the way, eagerly declaring it "Dumbledore's grave." I have a problem with fictional characters having burial sites in the real world. I had a similar issue with Juliet's house in Verona, Italy. Um... maybe someone needs to brush up on the definition of fiction? At any rate, it was all in good fun.

One passenger was wearing Hogwarts robes and carrying a wand. She certainly had a good time. A trolley came by selling snacks (including chocolate frogs), drinks (including butterbrew hot chocolate), and an assortment of Harry Potter souvenirs (all made in China.)

As always, I bought souvenirs for friends and family. Craig is constantly asking, "Did you get anything for the mailman yet?" I tend not to buy myself anything, but couldn't resist purchasing a handmade Loch Ness monster from Steve, a full-time Nessie hunter since 1991. We met the intrepid serpent seeker on the shore of the loch in the village of Dores. He crafts each figurine of the elusive beast to support himself while looking for Nessie. Now that's something you can't get on Amazon.

Luckily, you can find all kinds of things on the Internet, including the aforementioned commercial from Pets at Home. Enjoy!